Net Worth: A Journey Back to Self

As long as I could remember, a little voice inside my head would whisper to me “the answer is love”, “you must love yourself, you must love yourself”. I must have been in middle school the first time I heard this and at that point in life I was well on my way in perfecting the art of self-sabotage.

Fast forward 20 years later and I finally make myself the promise “I will do anything to love myself”. A promise I will never regret speaking aloud and repeating over and over for months.

I never thought that my financial issues had anything to do with whether or not I loved myself or felt I was worthy. But the signs were certainly screaming at me along the way. Such as the time I left my job and took the biggest career risk in my life I have ever taken; I couldn’t pay my bills, my credit card debt went unpaid and the inevitable collection calls poured in like Niagara Falls.

I hated talking about money. So I didn’t. Because when I did I felt like less of a human being. My bank account was exactly what I felt I was worth, which was a measly $0-$300 at that point in my career.

The net-worth and self-worth correlation is so ingrained in society and in my own head that even writing about it gets cloudy as I look for the right answers.

Think of our self-worth and self-love as a bank account. If I don’t put anything into that bank account, it will not grow, it will not produce, it will be empty. Our personal bank accounts are so empty we are forced to file spiritual bankruptcy. We have to give everything up and start over, we sabotage our lives and hurt others around us.

We spend money to try and fill the void within ourselves, and nothing ever satisfies the hunger we crave to be loved; to be and feel worthy. We eat food, we drink alcohol, have sex to fill the empty bank account of our self-love. At all costs we avoid paying attention to the inner voice calling out, asking to be heard, begging to pay attention to the higher self that is pointing you back home to self and pure love.

“I promise I will do whatever it takes to love myself”.

My self-worth does not equal my net-worth; and yet as I grow to love myself my money also begins to grow in size as well.