Before this money came flooding into my life, I had asked for it.
After 35 years on this Earth I got the final call that moved me into becoming a Christian.
Long story post ahead…
I always was that person that rejected Christianity and the things of going to hell with it. I judged “Jesus” people for a long long time.
Now that I am a new Christian, sure, I fear that I will be judged like I did so many times, and that’s fine if I am.
To me becoming a Christian when I thought that would never happen is a total surprise to me too and also the most beautiful heart-expanding experience I have ever had in my entire life.
After all the books I’ve read and the knowledge I have accumulated.. NOW I read the Bible and find myself crying with joy and love hearing the words… and why?
I think it’s because I have this internesting, at least to me, experience of my whole life before totally turning myself over to God, and all the spirituality and growth and believing in this magical power beyond my understanding… it’s… it’s…. Magnificent, Glorious knowledge is beyond comprehension…and yet, I get it at my core.
Everything I did up until now led me here.
I received many miracles along my path and my life has been saved many times when I could have died but one particular miracle was bestowed upon me at the start of the 2020 pand3mic when large amounts of money were given to me BECAUSE (and I know this) BECAUSE I was ready for it, learned to manage my money and forgive and healed a lot of stuff that was keeping me in straight up FEAR around everything.
It wasn’t that I saw God in the money, it was that the money was a gift because I was ready, because everything else God did for me to get me ready was also a miracle that I obeyed the mission.
Before this money came flooding into my life, I had asked for it.
I didn’t really have attachment to it but I wanted to start my coaching business and I had no idea how I would do it but I put my 8 month notice in anyways and kept on doing the good work I was doing coaching hundreds of people as the program manager in charge of finances, facilities, self-expression and leadership for Washington and Oregon State.
That job stretched me far beyond what once limited me.
And when the pand3mic hit and I was laid off… OPPORTUNITY knocked loud and clear at my front door.
I knew it was time (after sitting in fear for the first few days like everyone else).
And it’s not like I wasn’t scared but I wasn’t turning my back on the opportunity laid out on a golden platter for me.
That money was a BLESSING and God knew that I would do what I needed to do to get me where I wanted to go and serve the people I was meant to serve.
It was that money that had me begging the question.. “Could this blessing be anything other than God?”
The answer always came back NO. Because it was God who provided and I felt that as FULL TRUTH.
And the bible says in multiple chapters the importance of managing your money/being a good steward to it and when you do THAT more will come. I also think we at times will be tested with having more and often people will fail. I have failed before, too.
I’ve said it already, if you can’t manage a little how will you manage a lot?
All that money I was blessed with was saved, managed, and invested into my dream business and the desired life that was put into my heart.
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THIS piece of writing isn’t in any way trying to convert you or sell you on the bible or Christianity.
The Beauty of it all is that now that I am here I realize that God is ultimate love and the opposite of love is fear and the whole purpose of healing and forgiving is to come back to knowing yourself as the INFINITE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that you are.
Because God is inside you, always, and God is Love.
You are an extension of Him. Him not being necessarily a man but a masculine caretaker.
I mean my world has been turned upside down and sideways since I was, how they say, “saved” and I don’t regret it, not even in the slightest.
Everything I thought I knew and understood spiritually actually fits inside my now understanding of Christ.
Christ being in you. Christ being love and all that there is and everything else being an illusion.
Like, it is my birthday every day and when I don’t believe in myself it’s because I am choosing to see with eyes of fear.
God is not, fear.
So whether or not you get anything from this or you just read to read it and see what’s been going on in my life, well this is this.
I stopped reading oracle cards and I started leaning more inside myself and connecting to The Holy Spirit. Realizing I have been always connected but not consciously connected.
I don’t rely on crystals to heal me or manifest money; however they are beautiful as decoration.
I’ve thrown away the things I idolized outside myself that I thought would bring my happiness and joy and financial abundance and turned myself completely over to be worked on and worked over and transformed even more INTO LOVE.
All my anger all the ways that don’t work for the life I want is being squeezed out and shedded, removed, made over into the newest version of me, here on the mission I was always going to be on and stay on and this is the way for me as I let my Father lead the way like I realize He actually was doing regardless of my knowing.
You know, as I write this post knowing I’ll post it to my blog and all over social media I of course wonder about the people who will gasp in disgust and the friends who will delete and block and whatever else, perhaps you’ll be the one who comments below BUT I KNOW WHAT MY TRUTH is and not anyone can alter my knowing that LOVE is the ultimate truth of it all.
I’ll never tell you that you are a sinner or that you’re going to hell because truly sin means “to miss the mark” and hell is a place you create in your own head and in your life simply by being disconnected from Love (God).
THIS was the experience of the first 33 years of my life. Now almost 36.
And what’s become even more blatantly clear with crystals and oracle cards I use to adore and anything else we put on a pedestal hoping it will bring us joy and abundance and financial success…
Well, I believe that it is actually just us still turning to things outside ourselves to bring us the answers, to give us something to latch onto, which actually further builds the gap between knowing ourselves and the true source of our EVERYTHING good, loving, prosperous, and generous.
Which is within us, which is God.
NOT knowing how worthy we are completely, totally, worthy and valuable IS that disconnection from God. And that’s ok, I still work on seeing this truth as well but for me it has been a profound experience coming into this knowing.
Keep going inward to the infinite source of light and love that was always there but has been cloaked in fear over lifetimes, generations, on all the timelines that you, a living soul, have been on.
I am doing the same.
