You Are Not The Nasty Negative Stories You Tell Yourself 

Sleepwalking

I’m not lovable. 

That’s what I told myself again when the fear kicked into high gear, the savings account dwindled, and the high was at an all time soar. 

As if sleepwalking I ran quickly into lack-mode. 

Clinging to anything in my path. 

The truth is this is the ugly truth. 

The truth that when told has the ability to make you look bad. 

I could sit here being inside of being afraid of looking back but in my belief system I wholeheartedly believe that we are meant to come out in the open when we’re ready and when it’s time. 

Yes, we won’t always be ready but you’ll know when the time is right because the urge is there and the calling is loud and clear. 

I spent almost the last 2 years in flight or flight, survival of the fittest. 

Inside that time, I got married and I shrank down to a size that almost couldn’t be seen under a microscope. 

And which if I am being totally honest is not who I really am. 

I’m Zoey mf Linnea and life is my birthright to live it so outloud and ON that shrinking that small is soul crushing. 

Yes, it did hurt to keep getting smaller and smaller over this time and I see now that even THAT had its PURPOSE in my life. 

The Hero’s Journey 

Unraveling the last two years has been trial by fire and let me tell you my friend I am burning this house down.

But we all know the hero’s journey and that we end up right back where we started, but transformed and renewed. 

We come back wiser, ready to teach what we learned. 

And of course a part of me says how could you do this again Zoey, I thought you knew better?! 

But even that part of me needs my love and attention and not to be shunned for missing the mark. 

God made me and loves me and during this time, I forgot to listen to that God within me and was left to my own devices. 

Strangely though in this time I also became closer to God, I handed my life to Christ Jesus and repented when I thought I needed to. 

Again the enemy sat at my table blinding me from my own purpose… and yet waking me up to who I really am on this journey. 

And I wonder why is it that I have to learn the hard way by going through these trials and definitely errors but then I can see that when I listen to myself that way, when I tell that story to you over and over, I simply create my life being a self-fulfilling prophecy that tends toward making that so. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love learning hands on. I learn best that way. And now I am curious as to what it would be like to slow down and see the trainwreck coming before it hits, to swiftly change course and create a miracle instead of a missed-take. 

I like that path. 

The way of forgiveness instead of chronic make-wrong of the self. 

That needs to be purged and let go of. 

If not, you’ll shove it down, deep deep down and attempt to go on with life until one day she’s activated and comes alive at full steam ahead. 

Raging at life and wishing control upon every aspect of living. 

Hiding won’t change a thing but it will grow the power of that thing x1000 fold. 

So repent and forgive and whoever you share with choose a place you trust. 

I just so happen to go through what I need to go through and share with you in the intention that it touches you exactly where your soul needs to be touched and that you see an inkling of truth that calls you up to yourself to live by integrity and who God says you are. 

Because you cannot mess this up. Nothing I share with you could be held up in a court of law and not win against the devil himself. 

Because my life has a plan, an assignment and it has nothing to do with hiding and making myself smaller so no one will see my mistakes, my set backs, and the things that at one time I rejected and attempted to free myself from. 

So I write fiercely and bravely knowing that someone needs to hear this, someone needs faith to know and believe in that, and for you it is a destiny and one in which if you don’t go after it, you will live life feeling empty, unfulfilled and slowly dying from the inside out. 

I can’t. I won’t take a stand for keeping darkness hidden away, forming black mold and mildew. 

Come out into the light brave one, nothing cannot not be corrected by the beautiful grace of shining the light of your love on it, telling your truth and deep sovereign forgiveness of self. 

And this is just simply remembering that you already are forgiven. You already are whole, perfect, complete, loved, anointed, and destiny driven. 

It’s all just a matter of uncluttering the veils of illusion, poverty, lack, and fear from your eyes. 

Even for me this is a lifelong journey that I will always be on. A seeker of the most high. 

And you can look up or down or left and right but until you look IN you will be disillusioned again and again. 

I speak from my own experience, always. Because I forgot how much God loved me which meant I forgot the immense amount of love that I have for myself. It was hidden from my view covered in deceit and chaos of the mind. 

Now coming out into the clear I can see that the construct of my mind was running me. 

This: “I’m unlovable” was dictating my every move, assuming the position of leader. 

From that place only destruction can ensue. And on the other end, only good can come from this. Only learning and love is on the other side of this. 

And that’s what I LOVE about the work I do because there once was a time in my life when the shame was so unbearable and I did shove it down hoping and praying to no god that it would disappear. 

But the thing is that I had to go through that shame, I had to feel the shame which inevitably disappears when you do. 

And now that I know how to feel many things that I once ran from, that making myself wrong and that shaming myself into submission and depression just cannot live on in this life I created now. 

Because even though I ran myself all the way to the edge of the cliff I didn’t jump off.

I maintained my bank accounts and integrity in many areas of my life. 

I managed to keep myself mostly healthy except for the ear infection that only existed to get me to LISTEN to my high self, the father in me, and now that I know to speak up again I am clear of all illness and dis-ease by the grace of the most high. 

Workability Vs. Unworkability 

Man…. It’s good to be on the other side.

Of course I wish I could wave a magic wand and not have hurt my husband along the way and blocked people who I just couldn’t admit my feelings of unworthiness because I didn’t see it myself. 

But that’s not how this works. There is only moving forward and up. 

We can’t change the past, but if we did then what would we even learn? 

We wouldn’t grow and evolve so it would be stupid to even try and change the past. 

And I get it for those of you who are stuck in the past and shrouded by fear and depression constantly, but even I know there is a way out of that. It’s just a matter of seeking what you need and moving away from a life of unworkability. 

Alcohol for me does not work. 

Late nights and parties don’t work for me. 

Loveless and empty sex doesn’t work for me. 

Lying and hiding doesn’t work for me.

No sense of a calendar and keeping my word doesn’t work for me. 

Working for the sake of money only, does not work for me. 

Not living in my purpose does not work for me. 

I am a purpose driven woman. 

I take care of my body and keep learning ways to do it better. 

I make love with all of me whether it’s with myself or another. 

I tell the truth and when I realize I’m lying to myself I confess. 

I track my days and nights by the calendar and when I give my word I write it down. 

I do my very best to do what I say I’ll do and when I don’t I honor my word to who I gave it to. 

I make money making a difference for people all over the world, it’s not transactional, it’s transformational. 

I get paid to be me. 

I live a rich, full, purposeful life in service to others.

And in that equation, I come first so I can fully give of myself to others. 

Without all the illusions would we ever see the truth? 

Without having deceived ourselves or others would we come to know and understand the deeper meaning of life, love, relationships, and God?  

I lean towards knowing and understanding and often it’s way more simple than we believe it to be. 

I grew up completely away from God. I learned spirituality and crystals and tarot and horoscopes but religion always made me feel like I was bad and wrong and dirty. 

And along the road to recovery from my traumas I kept seeing myself more clearly. I kept uncovering layers of the truth of who I really am and the divinity I hold. 

That’s why one day when I least expected it I gave my life to Christ at the age of 35 in a restaurant while I watched an online church service. 

It was unexpected but it wasn’t a surprise. 

I had let go of so many illusions that only the truth could prevail. 

Underneath it all, deep in my core is the widest expanded version of me and that is Christ Consciousness. 

To know that I am loved and I am love itself, cherished and adored, attended to, heard and seen. Just like you, just like me. 

And if you don’t see that now, I know you can feel the truth in the words. All you need to do is keep pulling back the veils of illusion until one day the illusion disappears and the only thing left is I AM. 

We are not the negative stories we tell ourselves. 

Love is real, fear is not. 

I love you

& You’re Mine

Zoey Linnea