Rich Like Butter
Life has a richness that I always felt called toward.
I had a desire to tap into it.
Like the subtle hints of coffee when you suck on a piece of delicious chocolate.
Like sipping up every lesson to be learned about yourself after a marriage ending in divorce.
Like looking at the deeper reasons for lacking what you want in life, in your career, in your relationships.
I don’t always have the so-called right answers but does anybody?
Perhaps you have the right answers for you, at least that’s what I think.
It’s up to you to surround yourself with the kind of extraordinary people who will foster such discussions and don’t pass judgment and offer support and acceptance of you.
Truth is I need those people who see me as my highest before I’m there and call me out at my lowest when I miss the mark.
Friends and confidants who’ve seen my worst and still adore me.
The Backlash of Backlashes
Right now I am learning a big big lesson in life and the backlash isn’t pretty.
The impact of my behavior resulted in relationships ending and all along I knew it was me.
Not like blame because I didn’t know any better than mmI do now even though sometimes I can’t help but blame myself but again and again I let it go.
God finally found a way through to me.
To convict me of my crimes.
The sin of emasculating men.
The sin of ruining good men.
The sin of disrespecting the very man that gave me what I always wanted, to be cherished and adored.
But my lack of being receptive got in the way.
It’s embarrassing to say the least.
It’s awful and I’ve been sitting and spinning and reading everything I can get my hands on and listening to podcasts and seminars to teach me anything and everything on the subject.
An obsession.
As bad as it has felt at times I see the way out.
A blessing once again from a loss.
The very thing I taught my clients to get over had me by the teeth: fear.
Fear of no money, fear of no love, fear of being abandoned.
Fear in many forms ran my life and still tries to at times.
Fear even made me money and fear lost me money, like it can for all people.
And yet I still sit nicely and provided for which I am thankful with every last ounce of gratitude I can muster and with all my heart.
God was always the one and especially after I was saved.
Convicted of My Crimes
He has convicted me of the truth in so many areas where I was not living right.
Money and men (the two most important areas for me).
And it’s not that men and money are the most important it is this:
I admire and value the meaning of close relationships, even as I learn more about what this means for me and what healthy loving and romantic relationships look like.
When you aren’t taught the very thing you want in life when you were young, you have no other option than to learn it now or suffer the consequences.
For me it has always been more painful to remain the same so I’d rather indulge myself in the knowledge of the world to help with ailments and transform my ways of being.
So as I wrap this up I came here tonight because I wanted to express the journeys I am on.
I’ve processed a lot offline and my contribution if any is once again calling and pulling and tugging at my heartstring to re-engage.
Even though I may not have it all together, I have a lot to give through the well worth it trial and error style where I fall down and get back up again.
Point is to get back up because we will all fall, no doubt. And that’s ok.
Question is… will you get back up every time you hit the cold hard ground?
Signing off as Zoey the woman who brings out the best in men and knows how to be a badass with money!
