Leaning In
In a way I felt I lost my voice.
But on the other hand I was practicing a silence that I haven’t practiced before.
An identity of loud chaos and destruction… silenced.
An identity of being masculine… silenced.
And although I haven’t always understood where this was going nor how I would do it, I kept going.
I surpassed many lines where once upon a time in the past I would have kept running away.
But choosing to stand in place, stay, and lean IN has been the biggest gift ever.
If you’re like me, you live for the thrill of personal growth.
It’s not the easiest thing to do to face your demons and let them shrivel up in the fire.
But staying the same has much more pain and anguish to it.
Priviledge is the Purpose
I had the privilege of being guided by my God and my man.
Stay. stay. Stay.
On repeat.
Because INSIDE the relationship is EXACTLY where… the trigger will come up to be seen and let go of.
I’ve not only allowed myself to receive more love and gifts and care than ever before, I have allowed myself to receive healing and truth and a silent power that keeps on giving.
Now 38 I feel more like a woman than any time before this.
Finally able to BE WITH things I just couldn’t sit with before.
Letting a man lead.
Leaning back and relaxing (while I still learn to do it more).
I don’t need to handle all the things, even though I could.
I don’t need to pay the bills (even though I pay my own).
I don’t need to plan the date, even though I am perfectly capable.
Flights, hotels, excursions, dates… It’s all taken care of.
Yeah my life is good.
Yeah I let this in.
And it keeps getting better because I stand for something bigger than an old version playing small receiving the same ol same ol.
The Good Place
I like this place.
The place where self exploration meets new-Self.
The place of an unknown and creation all at the same time.
The place where dreams become a reality because I said so and acted so.
One step at a time.
One day at a time.
One peaceful moment by moment that delivers the image in your mind direct to your front door.
And all of a sudden, you become her.
All of a sudden everything you wanted and more is present and it just keeps pouring in like soft butter wine with a sweet twist of spicy zest.
Life will keep on Life-ing and I’m happy about that because that means my spirit and my mind and my view of life keeps expanding.
If you feel lost sometimes, that’s ok, you’re not.
You might just be shedding a version of you that no longer fits the values you’re walking forward with in this life.
You’re stepping into new-YOU.
And I presume you will do that over and over and over again until one day you sit back and zoom out, looking back down on earth at all the love and abundance you collected and shared.
Today is a grateful day.
Love you lots,
Zoey
