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<\/span><\/div>Long Time Coming<\/strong><\/h2>\nIt\u2019s been a while since I wrote without thinking and being afraid of what someone might think.<\/p>\n
When before the \u201cincidences\u201d of being a wife happened I felt free and sure and on fire to be real with you, whoever you are, reading this.<\/p>\n
I just want to be clear that some phases are just unavoidable.<\/p>\n
Can\u2019t go around it or over it or even under it.<\/p>\n
Must go through.<\/p>\n
And so I walk and sometimes crawl and even sometimes I run.<\/p>\n
Going for a me that I used to know and yet an evolved version of myself who\u2019s mistakes only give blessings.<\/p>\n
I love my life and yet the trust I had in myself waned and now waxing I can see the beauty in all the messes I\u2019ve made.<\/p>\n
Isn\u2019t this what I came here for?<\/p>\n
Isn\u2019t this what I came here to do and teach and live by?<\/p>\n
Because shame and guilt and mistrust and betrayal in oneself can be devastating and drive you into a place of hiding but I don\u2019t want to hide.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t want to air my dirty laundry either, but the truth is that my expression is what keeps me going.<\/p>\n
Sharing an existence of my world gives the power to transform this world I\u2019m in.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not real or fake.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not the truth nor a lie.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s just my experience and so I write like I love to do.<\/p>\n
How else will you gaze inside me and see the human that I am.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m covered in skin and you can\u2019t see through unless I show you.<\/p>\n
And like every human I want to be seen and known and heard and loved.<\/p>\n
Although that\u2019s my job and God\u2019s job, it\u2019s still there yearning to come through and reveal itself.<\/p>\n
To be seen is to exist, is it not?<\/p>\n
So I write with no purpose except this.<\/p>\n
High Being High & Lows Being Low<\/strong><\/h2>\nThe pressure that pulls at me to act and move grows stronger and I yearn to express the pain and the beauty of every day, week, month, and year.<\/p>\n
The highs being high and the lows being low.<\/p>\n
Highs getting higher and lows fading in the distance.<\/p>\n
I crave living a life at risk and yet grounded.<\/p>\n
To make moves that scare me and yet bring me alive to who I am really am.<\/p>\n
To shed the skin of an old version of myself and crawl out into a new life.<\/p>\n
A life that I dreamed and created in my mind, glued to paper, and written in time.<\/p>\n
Imagination come to life.<\/p>\n
Feelings becoming real.<\/p>\n
And I wonder can I trust myself?<\/p>\n
I wonder, will I make that same mistake in love and shrink down to a self I couldn\u2019t recognize?<\/p>\n
Would I let it happen again and become someone I\u2019m not.<\/p>\n
To put myself in a smaller box when the boxes I go after are bigger and open wide\u2026?<\/p>\n
I made a pact with my soul and God that I would be me.<\/p>\n
I made a pact that I will do whatever it takes to print the images in my mind for my life on the reality of my soul.<\/p>\n
So here I am as I write, unedited and unrefined, the secrets of my heart.<\/p>\n
And through it all, someone might be inspired by my words that flow on digital paper.<\/p>\n
So I share.<\/p>\n
But the questions still remain if I am reliable, strong enough, and can build myself back up to believe in me and my mission?<\/p>\n
The mission never died but the confidence in myself died a little inside.<\/p>\n
Because honestly everything I stood for I gave up for a relationship that was never aligned.<\/p>\n
I blinded myself for love and let it shrink me down down down smaller smaller smaller and I can never do that again.<\/p>\n
I could never be there again.<\/p>\n
Taller bigger bolder is my forte.<\/p>\n
So if I did it once, will I do it twice or ten times?<\/p>\n
If I hide from the truth of what happened, could it happen again?<\/p>\n
So I bare witness my mistakes and unleash the truth of what I did.<\/p>\n
I chose an outdated story I made up when I was a kid.<\/p>\n
8 years old.<\/p>\n
I acted from fear instead of faith and pretended I was acting from faith.<\/p>\n
But as funny as it may seem I still had faith in the life I created in my mind.<\/p>\n
Detour Central<\/strong><\/h2>\nThis was only a detour.<\/p>\n
A sidetrack.<\/p>\n
Maybe even a short cut.<\/p>\n
Whatever you do don\u2019t give up and never give in.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s an unbecoming that takes grit and grind and faith in your one all mighty provider.<\/p>\n
Because the Kingdom of Heaven is within.<\/p>\n
The father is in me and I in my father and the father is in you and we are one.<\/p>\n
There is nothing you can do to f*ck it up and permanently be in a living hell.<\/p>\n
There is nothing that can stop you forever except death itself.<\/p>\n
There is nothing that can stand in your way of causing the miraculous to unfold and shower down on your life.<\/p>\n
There is nothing that will ever be bigger than the creator in you.<\/p>\n
So lean in when it gets rough.<\/p>\n
Lock it down when the going gets going and look within as you move forward.<\/p>\n
You can\u2019t get it wrong.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re not bad for what you have done and the mis-takes you will still inevitably make.<\/p>\n
This life is yours and yours alone.<\/p>\n
So go live it up and let your highest self and God light the way to your one true purpose.<\/p>\n
To experience joy.<\/p>\n
To be happy.<\/p>\n
To love being alive.<\/p>\n
To laugh.<\/p>\n
To say chair and chair falls out of your mouth.<\/p>\n
Go get em creator!<\/p>\n
Create the life that YOU want.<\/p>\n
I love you &<\/p>\n
You\u2019re mine<\/p>\n
Zoey<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>
The pressure that pulls at me to act and move grows stronger and I yearn to express the pain and the beauty of every day, week, month, and year.<\/p>\n
The highs being high and the lows being low.<\/p>\n
Highs getting higher and lows fading in the distance.<\/p>\n
I crave living a life at risk and yet grounded.<\/p>\n
To make moves that scare me and yet bring me alive to who I am really am.<\/p>\n
To shed the skin of an old version of myself and crawl out into a new life.<\/p>\n
A life that I dreamed and created in my mind, glued to paper, and written in time.<\/p>\n
Imagination come to life.<\/p>\n
Feelings becoming real.<\/p>\n
And I wonder can I trust myself?<\/p>\n
I wonder, will I make that same mistake in love and shrink down to a self I couldn\u2019t recognize?<\/p>\n
Would I let it happen again and become someone I\u2019m not.<\/p>\n
To put myself in a smaller box when the boxes I go after are bigger and open wide\u2026?<\/p>\n
I made a pact with my soul and God that I would be me.<\/p>\n
I made a pact that I will do whatever it takes to print the images in my mind for my life on the reality of my soul.<\/p>\n
So here I am as I write, unedited and unrefined, the secrets of my heart.<\/p>\n
And through it all, someone might be inspired by my words that flow on digital paper.<\/p>\n
So I share.<\/p>\n
But the questions still remain if I am reliable, strong enough, and can build myself back up to believe in me and my mission?<\/p>\n
The mission never died but the confidence in myself died a little inside.<\/p>\n
Because honestly everything I stood for I gave up for a relationship that was never aligned.<\/p>\n
I blinded myself for love and let it shrink me down down down smaller smaller smaller and I can never do that again.<\/p>\n
I could never be there again.<\/p>\n
Taller bigger bolder is my forte.<\/p>\n
So if I did it once, will I do it twice or ten times?<\/p>\n
If I hide from the truth of what happened, could it happen again?<\/p>\n
So I bare witness my mistakes and unleash the truth of what I did.<\/p>\n
I chose an outdated story I made up when I was a kid.<\/p>\n
8 years old.<\/p>\n
I acted from fear instead of faith and pretended I was acting from faith.<\/p>\n
But as funny as it may seem I still had faith in the life I created in my mind.<\/p>\n